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Showing posts from August, 2023

The Perfect Mother

What is the perfect mother? Perhaps you are a mother, or would like to be one. In that case I bet, without spending much time thinking about it, you have a very particular vision of what the perfect mother is to you?  For me I would have imagined a smiling, caring, kind, gentle, playful, patient woman who not only looks put together but can cook, clean, craft and create with ease. One surrounded by her loving and loved children whether they’re reading a book, baking, creating or watching an interesting insect on the doorstep. One who is present and connected, emotionally regulated, calm and ready to weather the emotional storms little ones find themselves in. One who loves God and is patient yet practically adept for any mothering scenario. No pressure, right?! Becoming a mother was what I had always wanted. I believed, since I was a little girl, that this was God’s plan for my life. The thought simultaneously excited and settled me. It felt right. It felt like my purpose, my vocation,

Self-Care: Isn’t That Selfish?

Are you responsible for taking care of others? Do you usually put other people’s needs ahead of your own? Do you feel selfish when you have needs or desires of your own? Do you feel like taking time for YOU is wrong? Have you learned that the right thing to do, the Catholic thing to do, is to deny your needs in favour of the desires of others? Are you wondering why continuously doing so is leaving you feeling drained, unfulfilled and resentful? As mothers, we see very quickly how the neglect of a need in our children develops swiftly into meltdown: an emotional outburst, overwhelm, anger, drama, tears. Yet we expect that, because we are adults, the consistent suppression of our own needs will have no such consequence.  Why is it that we consider the presence of our  own  needs as wrong or bothersome? And the taking care of those needs as unnecessary or redundant? Do we think we are exempt from being human? Are we expecting ourselves to be super-human? I don’t know about you, but withou

Doing Nothing Is Doing Something Really Important

In my life I struggle to rest. Keeping busy? That, I can do. Doing something? No problem. Resting? Staying still? Relaxing without doing  something while relaxing, whether it’s crocheting or reading or listening to something? That does not come so easy to me. In fact, I would say it was so uncomfortable for me that it felt like there was something wrong: with me, with resting; I wasn’t sure. But it felt intolerable.  That all began to change some years ago. The level of busyness and chaos in my life was feeling too much. Many areas in my life were simultaneously trying to teach me the one lesson: STOP! REST! I say it all began to change because whilst I have improved in taking the time to rest, it still often feels more than a little disagreeable to me while I’m resting. However, the benefits I earn for the remainder of the day motivate me to keep returning to the practice. Around the same time that chaos and constant busyness were launching me ever closer to breaking point, I had a