Below are some of the most practically useful resources for making progress that I have found for various areas of my life. I have not included all Podcasts, books or resources I’ve used, just those that contributed the most benefit* (*See footnote)
Treat the resources like a menu. Take what you like or what may be relevant for you, and leave the rest. Please read the footnote.
OPTIONS AND RESOURCES FOR OVERWHELMED MOTHERS OR FOR A BUSY SEASON OF LIFE
When in the fog of overwhelm and anxiety or if experiencing the dark depths of Postnatal Anxiety and Depression, we can be precluded from seeing potential options for support and help. Our perfectionism, too, can lend itself to feelings of guilt and shame in needing to outsource some tasks or in receiving help and support. Below is not an exhaustive list by any means, but some options to make life a little less daunting.
Outsource Some Household Cleaning
Arranging a cleaner (roughly €12 - €16 per hour)
Eliminate Grocery Shopping Trips
Grocery delivery (Tesco, SuperValu & more)
Grocery click and collect (Tesco, SuperValu, Aldi & more)
Eliminate Some Meal Prepping
Have already cooked / prepared meals delivered. Gourmet Fuel is one company in Ireland that does this.
There are also several meal delivery options where you prepare the meals yourself such as Hello Fresh, Drop Chef and Clean Cut Meals. I don’t have personal experience using these three but I have had delicious pre-prepared meals from Gourmet Fuel.
Child-minding
Arrange a trusted person to step in and take over child-minding for a period of time.
If you do not have anybody you know who can do this for you, there are several websites on which you can find certified child-minders. There are none I have personal experience with so I am reluctant to add in specific references here.
Postnatal Depression/Anxiety
If you are, or think you might be struggling with post-natal anxiety or depression this Irish site has resources that may help, including links to support from others experiencing the same. I found their book helpful when I last experienced PND. It is easy to feel like there is something wrong with us when stuck in this feeling. Hearing others’ experiences dispels the shame we can feel. Please reach out; you are not alone and you do not have to stay feeling this way.
See also ‘Brain Health’ and ‘Catholic Psychotherapy’ sections below.
Psychotherapy
If you are feeling lost about what it is that needs to change, but you know something needs to, psychotherapy can be of great benefit in finding our blindspots, seeking the truth about ourselves and fuelling practical change. Regular sessions provide the accountability we may need to pay attention in daily life to those behaviours and patterns that are not serving us but rather are blocking us from being happy.
Visit this site to find accredited therapists in your area in Ireland and narrow your search by specifying the particular issues in which you feel you may need help.
A good therapist / client relationship is one where we are willing to do the work rather than feeling like the therapist is going to rescue us. Essentially we ought to learn the skills needed to heal ourselves and be able to go forward in life without the continued presence of a therapist in order to do so. Thus choose a therapist who aims to make themselves redundant in your life, in the best possible way.
Shop around, you do not have to say yes to the first therapist you try. The relationship needs to be one in which you can open up about anything.
Catholic Psychotherapy
If you are in Ireland and would like to work specifically with a female Catholic Psychotherapist, I would highly recommend Rita O’Donovan Hollmann. She has many areas of expertise and invaluable experience including but not limited to: Anxiety Issues, Depression, Postpartum Challenges, Self-harm, Suicidal Thoughts, Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, Compassion-Focused Therapy and Dialectical Behaviour Therapy. She is passionate about empowering those who seek her support to learn the skills and tools to navigate life more successfully. To see if this therapist would be a good fit for you, you can find her contact details below.
Phone: 087 1346497
Brain Health - Functional Medicine
Similar to having a sprained ankle and needing supports, there are environmental, physical, emotional and spiritual elements that impact our brain health. I found an excellent Catholic functional medicine practitioner who helped me with impulse control, patience, anger, anxiety and trust - all issues that are affected by brain health. His suggested supplements are individually tailored and natural as opposed to pharmaceutical. He works on a donation basis and thus is affordable. Please email me for his details if you feel this approach could benefit you.
I cannot speak highly enough of the need for brain support in improving my role and vocation as a mother. The occasional lapses I’ve had in taking my supplements have demonstrated the importance of them in my life.
PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT
It is in healing our hearts that we can better pour into others. Improving myself has made me a better person, wife and mother. Each and every difficult and painful experience has had equal abundant blessings come out of it. I would go through each and every suffering again to be where I am today. Truly.
Below are excellent resources that helped me in my recovery.
Books for Personal Development
It’s Not Always Depression - Hilary Jacobs Hendel
In my opinion, this is a must-read. It gives a foundational understanding and practical guidance for dealing with our emotions in a very simple and efficient way. I use the tools in this book daily and I’ve taught them to my kids.
How To Be An Imperfectionist - Stephen Guise
If you feel you are a perfectionist, this book has the potential to be life-changing. A necessary shift in mindset here from perfectionist to imperfectionist (which, as mere human beings, we are imperfect!) can have hugely beneficial consequences for the level of happiness we allow ourselves to experience in life.
Atomic Habits - James Clear
The best book I have read thus far on changing behaviour and creating sustainable habits with lasting results.
Essentialism - Greg McKeown
If you feel under pressure with ‘all you have to do’ and wish you could say no more; or if you feel you’d like to do less but do it better, this is a fabulous book to challenge and change your mindset and set you free from feeling the pressure of saying yes to please others.
Co-dependent No More - Melody Beattie
Have you lost sight of you in your life? Do you feel responsible for other able-bodied adults in your life? Are you consumed with stress or guilt? Do you feel compelled to ‘help’ or control others in your life? Start discovering how to change that with this book.
Complex PTSD: From Surviving To Thriving: A Guide and Map For Recovering From Childhood Trauma* - Pete Walker
A guide to understanding yourself better and finding a path to recovery. Learn how to understand and manage emotional triggers, your inner and outer critic, depressive episodes and being more authentic.
Boundary Boss - Terri Cole
Practical advice on setting boundaries in all relationships. Learning what is and is not okay with you. Actionable steps to stop abandoning yourself for the sake of others and instead learning to take control of various aspects of your life, improving your ability to deeply relate to others in the process.
Boundaries - John Townsend & Henry Cloud
If you struggle to set boundaries because you fear you are being selfish and unloving in doing so, these Christian authors explain why healthy boundaries are essential and give practical advice to incorporate them across all relationships.
Boundaries For Your Soul - Allison Cook & Kimberly Miller
Written by Christian counsellors demonstrating the benefit and utility in anger, sadness and fear. They lay out a process for bringing peace to overwhelming emotions and harmony to your inner world.
Anxiety Rx* - Dr Russell Kennedy
Very practical steps to identify when and where you feel anxiety, connect with the sensations in your body and become free of anxiety’s stronghold.
The Body Keeps the Score* - Bessel van der Kolk
Discusses how trauma (whether minor and consistent or a major isolated event) reshapes both body and brain, compromising our capacities for pleasure, engagement, self-control and trust. Describes paths to recovery by activating the brain’s natural neuroplasticity.
Running on Empty - Jonice Webb
A guide to identifying and healing childhood emotional neglect so you can be more connected and emotionally present in your life. Even if you feel you had a wonderful childhood, this book identifies the small but impactful elements of family systems that pour into our adult experience.
Will I Ever Be Good Enough? - Karel McBride
If you often feel not good enough, inadequate, less than, a disappointment, empty, sad…perhaps you have a mother wound. If so, this book will help you rediscover you and heal those wounds.
When the Body Says No* - Gabor Maté
Illustrates the incredibly powerful effect emotional and psychological stress plays in the onset of chronic illness and disease.
Things That Matter - Joshua Becker
Overcome distraction to pursue a more meaningful life.
YouTube Channels for Personal Development
Terri Cole
A licensed psychotherapist and expert in boundaries. Helps in identifying the boundaries we need and how to effectively communicate them.
Crappy Childhood Fairy
Focuses on healing brain and emotional dysregulation and changing self-defeating behaviours. Teaches people to recognise and heal symptoms of Complex PTSD and overcome childhood experiences.
The Holistic Psychologist*
Clinical psychologist whose work addresses the connection between the mind, body and soul incorporating overall lifestyle and psychological wellness practices.
Ross Rosenberg
A psychotherapist with expertise in narcissistic abuse, trauma and codependency.
DAILY DEVOTIONALS / INSPIRATION
The Language of Letting Go - Melody Beattie
My Daily Bread - Confraternity of The Precious Blood
The Imitation of Christ - Thomas à Kempis
HOUSEHOLD / ORGANISATION / LIFESTYLE
One of the overwhelming elements in life 5+ years ago was managing a house and all that goes along with it. I have learned very sustainable habits, with small kids in the mix in this regard and these are probably the most helpful channels I used in setting up those systems. There is no one method I followed, I made it my own with a combination of all. Truly, clearing the physical clutter also cleared mental clutter.
YouTube Channels for Household and Lifestyle
There are so many helpful YouTube channels for household tips in our busy season of life. These are just the ones I found the most helpful over the past few years.
The Minimal Mom
A very relatable mum encouraging others with very practical steps to let go of stuff in favour of freeing up our time to be spent on the people and experiences in our lives.
Dana K White
Reality based strategies for getting your home under control. Decluttering, cleaning and organising tips that work for real people in real life. What I liked about Dana’s approach was not needing massive chunks of time to make progress.
The Secret Slob
Teaching her variation of the FLYlady system. A mum of young kids, I found some of her videos very helpful in setting up a system that worked for me.
Joshua Becker
A minimalist with a passion for inspiring others to pursue their dreams by owning fewer possessions.
Books for Household and Lifestyle
Decluttering At The Speed of Life - Dana K. White
A lighthearted yet very practical book that encourages decluttering in the time available, be that as little as a few minutes. For busy mums, this is a very manageable approach to improving our surroundings for the benefit of our mental health.
How To Manage Your Home Without Losing Your Mind - Dana K. White
A practical approach to bringing your home out of the mess it is in and learning how to keep it under control.
The More of Less - Joshua Becker
Illustrates the freedom of owning less and living more. Often, the external clutter in our homes can impact our mental freedom.
MARRIAGE
Without doubt the most impactful content for improving my marriage has been from Laura Doyle’s work. There are some very simple, practical steps YOU can do to improve your relationship. I’ve applied the skills to more than just my marriage and reaped the benefits. Before finding this resource I had gone through my fair share of relationship books and quizzes, love languages, and so on. Some helped with regard to being aware of my and my husband’s differing styles and patterns of relating. However, for me, this was the answer to my prayers.
A strong marriage and closely connected parents is a legacy I want to leave for my children. If you’re looking to achieve that, I believe Laura Doyle’s work provides the most practical support to achieve this.
Books for Marriage
The Empowered Wife - Laura Doyle
His Needs Her Needs* - Willard F. Harley Jr.
Love Busters* - Willard F. Harley Jr.
Attached* - Amir Levine & Rachel Heller
Hold Me Tight* - Sue Johnson
The Seven Principles For Making Marriage Work* - John Gottman
Podcasts for Marriage
The Empowered Wife
FOOD ADDICTION & RECOVERY
For food addiction recovery I follow Bright Line Eating (BLE). If you are interested to learn how susceptible you are to Food Addiction, you can complete the Food Susceptibility Quiz by clicking here.
If you want to learn more about the Bright Line Eating food addiction recovery programme you can do so here. There is also a Bright Line Eating YouTube channel and Podcast with free content weekly.
If food is a struggle for you I highly recommend the following two books by Dr. Susan Peirce Thompson:
Bright Line Eating: The Science of Living Happy, Thin, and Free which is available in libraries and to buy here.
Rezoom: The Powerful Reframe to End the Crash-and-Burn Cycle of Food Addiction. Again, available in libraries and to buy here.
*Resources listed with an asterisk may have some content that suggest or refer to practices that go against commandments of our faith (for example Yoga, Buddhist leanings, etc.), so please proceed with caution and with God and our Catholic faith as your ever-present guide. I am choosing to share them due to the practical help and scientific research the rest of the content holds, with the understanding that you are an adult who has the responsibility to inform yourself of the truths of our faith and behave accordingly should you choose to do so. Please feel free to leave it out if in doubt.
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