Let Truth Bloom

Once our eyes have been opened to behaviour we want to change, what is it that we need to focus on to maintain and sustain that change? How do we prevent ourselves from slipping back into old patterns? “ To live is to change, and to be perfect is to have changed often .”  - Cardinal John Henry Newman For me and the season of life I am in, I imagine a dashboard in a car. There’s a speed gauge and a fuel gauge. If the speed gets too high, or the fuel gets too low, I know I am entering dangerous territory. The Speed Gauge The speedometer reminds me to take one thing at a time, peacefully, letting go of urgency. I need to ensure the pace of life inside my home is slow.  If I’m changing a nappy, I’m changing a nappy and looking in my baby’s eyes. Getting him to pinch my nose or find his ears. Being present for those two minutes several times a day, rather than being distracted or too busy to have time for simple connection. Keeping the speed slow allows me to see, experience and be present

Have you ever approached your child angrily and seen fear in their eyes? Have you felt fury or rage towards your own children that you never thought you could? Do you hear yourself barking orders in a tone that makes you shudder? Do you see yourself behave towards your children in ways you told yourself you never would? Are the expectations you have held of motherhood slipping away before your eyes? Do you feel shame and guilt over this? But also perhaps have no idea what’s wrong or how to change? Do you want this to change? I saw myself losing patience, shouting at my kids, feeling ferocious fury bubble up inside me and out would come what I call my Sergeant Major .  I could tell there were times I scared my own children. I was deeply unhappy imagining how I must look in their eyes as I approached them feeling so angry. Each time I allowed Sergeant Major to take over, a little more of that beautiful innocent glimmer in their eyes would fade.  I did not like how I was feeling and I hat