Let Truth Bloom

Once our eyes have been opened to behaviour we want to change, what is it that we need to focus on to maintain and sustain that change? How do we prevent ourselves from slipping back into old patterns? “ To live is to change, and to be perfect is to have changed often .”  - Cardinal John Henry Newman For me and the season of life I am in, I imagine a dashboard in a car. There’s a speed gauge and a fuel gauge. If the speed gets too high, or the fuel gets too low, I know I am entering dangerous territory. The Speed Gauge The speedometer reminds me to take one thing at a time, peacefully, letting go of urgency. I need to ensure the pace of life inside my home is slow.  If I’m changing a nappy, I’m changing a nappy and looking in my baby’s eyes. Getting him to pinch my nose or find his ears. Being present for those two minutes several times a day, rather than being distracted or too busy to have time for simple connection. Keeping the speed slow allows me to see, experience and be...

Have you ever approached your child angrily and seen fear in their eyes? Have you felt fury or rage towards your own children that you never thought you could? Do you hear yourself barking orders in a tone that makes you shudder? Do you see yourself behave towards your children in ways you told yourself you never would? Are the expectations you have held of motherhood slipping away before your eyes? Do you feel shame and guilt over this? But also perhaps have no idea what’s wrong or how to change? Do you want this to change? I saw myself losing patience, shouting at my kids, feeling ferocious fury bubble up inside me and out would come what I call my Sergeant Major .  I could tell there were times I scared my own children. I was deeply unhappy imagining how I must look in their eyes as I approached them feeling so angry. Each time I allowed Sergeant Major to take over, a little more of that beautiful innocent glimmer in their eyes would fade.  I did not like how I was feeling ...

So, now that we’re aware that we not only can  partake in self-care but have a  responsibility  to take care of ourselves, how do we do it? Have you ever had a day where you know  you’d be better downing tools and taking a breather but you just don’t even have the presence of mind to navigate how to do that? I hear you!  For that very reason I have put together a menu of self-care options. You can use it for those hectic days that even trying to think of what may help is just too big a task. When I begin to feel overwhelmed, exhausted, agitated or even just a little perturbed I know I need fuel to replenish my resources: faith and self-care are my fuel . I turn to both, and in that particular order.  God first, always. Sometimes it is a short interior mental prayer, sometimes I write my prayer. Sometimes it is reading a favourite daily devotional. Then, I turn my attention to what it is I am in need of; what act of self-care I would benefit from....

For a large portion of my life I considered being a perfectionist a positive thing. It meant I strive for excellence in all I do, right? If you’re going to do something, do it right. What it took me decades to see was that this desire for and expectation of perfection kept me so afraid to make mistakes that I often didn’t take action at all. It kept me frozen, unable to make progress, unwilling to admit mistakes, blind to the truth of my situation, unable to do things at all because I was too afraid to not do it right. To not get it perfect. To make a mistake. To fail. And it also meant that I spent my life focusing on the 2% I didn’t achieve, rather than seeing the 98% I did. As Catholics and as children of God, we are called to be saints. Being a saint, though, is not being perfect. Being a saint is saying yes to God . It is doing the next right thing; the next responsible thing; and when we do something wrong, or we make a mistake, or we sin, returning again to try again and do the...

So you’ve reached a point in your life where you’re ready for change; where you see that life, and how you feel about it, isn’t working out so well and you’re ready for change. Then what? How do you get from where you are to where you want to be? Well, it would help to know where it is you want to be. Allow yourself to dream . Take a few moments to let yourself contemplate how you would like your life to look in a year. What date is it right now as you read this? Look ahead one year and allow yourself to think about how you’d like your life to be: spiritually, psychologically, emotionally, physically. Better yet, if you’re in a position to do so, write it down.  Three years ago I was feeling too stuck to allow myself to dream, too fragile to begin to look deep. I was feeling stretched; overwhelmed; grieving the impending loss of my dad; experiencing all the heightened emotions within my family of origin that the dynamics around illness and death can bring; nursing my third child, ...